The Last Time We’ll Let Ourselves Get So Excited Over New Star Wars

The Force Awakens was a fun homage to A New Hope that did a fine job kicking off this new Star Wars trilogy. It introduced new characters, serviced fans with old characters, and set up new mysteries within the series.

The Last Jedi made no attempt to solve these mysteries (who’s Snoke? What’s Rey’s lineage?) and barely addressed them at all.

Mowgli and Sara went into this movie with high hopes but were left confused, angry, and with more questions than answers. Still going to see Episode IX when it comes out, obviously.

Fucking Disney.

Rolling 1s in the Dating Scene Pt 1

Dating, and online dating especially, can be pretty great – fucking people, fucking with people, meeting weirdos, being the weirdo – but it can also be super frustrating. In this long anticipated cast, Mowgli and Sara vent their frustrations with the opposite sex.

Part one focuses on Sara’s critical failures such as meeting a boy she actually liked and getting yelled at online by someone she doesn’t remember fucking.

Somehow everyone is just the worst.

There Isn’t a Father’s Day in Space

It’s been a big month in cinema for dads so¬†this¬†weekend was celebrated by getting drunk in movie theaters.

Alien Covenant surprised no one by being super boring and not making sense. Fuck you, Ridley. That’s not even a real name.

While Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was a roller coaster of emotion. Laughter, fear, Baby Groot. Sara cried.

With Great Boredom Comes Great Responsibility

What would you do with super powers?

Mowgli and Sara ponder this question and ultimately decide powers aren’t good for much other than theft.

They never even address the idea of using their powers for good.

Fantastic Communism


Sara and Mowgli begin discussing the new movie Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but are quickly derailed. Like more quickly than usual.

Sara wants to live in some kind of Libertarian-Socialist Wonderland and Mowgli is understandably skeptical.

Feeling Bernt Part I


Mowgli and Sara are mad, but they’re not stressin’.

It only took a moment to reconcile the confusion of a Trump presidency – it’s unfair to write off all of his supporters as dumb racists, but it’s completely reasonable to hold the Democratic party responsible for their spectacular failure.

Upset about the election and want to move? Go live in a red state and run for Congress.

I Fuck in a Bed Like an Adult (with special guests Jess, Veronica, and Fred)


The gang is here to help you get laid.

Mowgli muses on how the Sith pick up chicks. It starts with force choking and ends with rape. Quicksilver/Flash has a similar tactic: Running around raping people too quickly for them to notice they’ve been violated.

Sara shares handy dating tips if you find yourself walking down a dark alley with a potential mate or if you want to fuck a sheep (the right way).

Nice Nips, Sugar Tush!


It’s not fair that men get to have all the fun of yelling at strangers, so Sara is going to try her hand at catcalling. But first she and Mowgli have to figure out what to say.

Whether it’s for a social experiment or getting laid is irrelevant.