There Isn’t a Father’s Day in Space

It’s been a big month in cinema for dads so this weekend was celebrated by getting drunk in movie theaters.

Alien Covenant surprised no one by being super boring and not making sense. Fuck you, Ridley. That’s not even a real name.

While Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was a roller coaster of emotion. Laughter, fear, Baby Groot. Sara cried.

With Great Boredom Comes Great Responsibility

What would you do with super powers?

Mowgli and Sara ponder this question and ultimately decide powers aren’t good for much other than theft.

They never even address the idea of using their powers for good.

Suicide Gods

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Suicide Squad didn’t make any fucking sense, but at least we got drunk.

The acting was adequate, fight scenes were blah, Enchantress wiggled a bunch, and we’re not entirely sure what the plot was.

(The government needed deniability so they gathered up a bunch of villains, but during that process one of them escapes and…acts like a villain. To maintain deniability, the government sends in its troops and helicopters – oh yeah, and those villains – to fight Putties and blow up the mess it created. Right?)

If you have a problem with Jared Leto’s Joker, don’t worry about it; he’s only in the movie for about three minutes.

Also, Mowgli regales Sara with bible stories.

Captain America: The Original Libertarian

Iron Man: We’re murdering a fuck ton of civilians, we need regulation.

Captain America: Get your government hands off my superhuman enhancements!

Iron Man: Bruh. The government is what enhanced you in the first place.

Cap: I love you, Bucky! Never let go!

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Despite not being like the comic hardly at all, Civil War was wildly entertaining. Action scenes were amazing, Bucky was angstier than a sixteen year old goth, and this movie will totally revive the Spider-Man franchise.

Grievances:

  • Baron Zemo wasn’t really Baron Zemo, he was just some butthurt Sokovian
  • No concrete arguments were given for opposing registration
  • No Stamford Incident (and therefore no Penance, the best comic book character ever)
  • Needed more death

Good on them for making Redwing a robot; Falcon’s psychic link to birds is ridiculous.

 

Batman and Supeman vs My Patience (with special guest Fred)

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We just saw Dawn of Justice.

Mowgli and Fred fucking hated it.

Sara enjoys being confused so she was down.