Feeling Bernt Part I

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Mowgli and Sara are mad, but they’re not stressin’.

It only took a moment to reconcile the confusion of a Trump presidency – it’s unfair to write off all of his supporters as dumb racists, but it’s completely reasonable to hold the Democratic party responsible for their spectacular failure.

Upset about the election and want to move? Go live in a red state and run for Congress.

I Fuck in a Bed Like an Adult (with special guests Jess, Veronica, and Fred)

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The gang is here to help you get laid.

Mowgli muses on how the Sith pick up chicks. It starts with force choking and ends with rape. Quicksilver/Flash has a similar tactic: Running around raping people too quickly for them to notice they’ve been violated.

Sara shares handy dating tips if you find yourself walking down a dark alley with a potential mate or if you want to fuck a sheep (the right way).

Nice Nips, Sugar Tush!

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It’s not fair that men get to have all the fun of yelling at strangers, so Sara is going to try her hand at catcalling. But first she and Mowgli have to figure out what to say.

Whether it’s for a social experiment or getting laid is irrelevant.

Dice Rollers

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Cartoons are the best way to motivate 90’s kids and after watching HarmonQuest, Sara and Mowgli decided to blow the dust off their dice and play Dungeons & Dragons again.

Sara’s going to be DMing a short session so she’s giving Mowgli a summary of what they’ll be doing and the characters they’ll be doing it to.

If all goes well, we’re planning to do a Vampire: The Masquerade game and Sara’s going to try to convince people to do an Animorphs campaign with her.

Suicide Gods

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Suicide Squad didn’t make any fucking sense, but at least we got drunk.

The acting was adequate, fight scenes were blah, Enchantress wiggled a bunch, and we’re not entirely sure what the plot was.

(The government needed deniability so they gathered up a bunch of villains, but during that process one of them escapes and…acts like a villain. To maintain deniability, the government sends in its troops and helicopters – oh yeah, and those villains – to fight Putties and blow up the mess it created. Right?)

If you have a problem with Jared Leto’s Joker, don’t worry about it; he’s only in the movie for about three minutes.

Also, Mowgli regales Sara with bible stories.

Children Believe Anything, That’s Why it’s Fun to Lie to Them (with special guest Jess)

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Virtually all of America’s problems can be solved with better education. Our education expert, Jess, demonstrates the practical difficulties with not lying to children anymore.

The world is a shitty place and if we don’t illuminate that fact to kids they won’t feel the need to make it better.

Goku Bracku

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Goku Black is the main antagonist (thus far) in Super’s new story arc and there is so much explaining that needs to happen.

Sara and Mowgli toss around a few ideas, landing on a possible tie in with Xenoverse. The Kaioshin and time travel are definitely involved; Mowgli thinks Black could have become a god of destruction.

Or maybe Northern Kai is sick of Goku killing him (and his friends and his planet) so he’s exacting revenge by framing him?

Regardless, it makes for more Vegeta/Goku fan service fights.

Celebrity Deathmatch (with special guest Johnny)

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Our dear friend Johnny kept us on track with a number of topics which was helpful because Mowgli and Sara were pretty trashed.

In a fight between Vin Diesel and The Rock, Mowgli and Sara agree that The Rock’s size would be no match for Vin Diesel’s MMA and Muay Thai training. Johnny thinks that’s crazy.

(Vin Diesel would destroy The Rock)

He also thinks it’s crazy that Sara hates Jack Nicholson.

The conversation is rounded out nicely with a short discussion about racism thanks to our trusty racial injustice calendar.